Children who have been neglected first and foremost need to have their basic needs met. This includes meeting of children's physical needs such as food, clothing, shelter, medical care, supervision, and education. Neglected children also need to feel the involvement of a competent parent and develop a feeling of connection and attachment.
Parenting The Neglected Child
All children who come into foster care should have a thorough physical exam as soon as possible. Caregivers should be especially observant regarding eye problems, teeth, skin, and ear infections.
For children with failure to thrive or eating difficulties—talk to a knowledgeable health provider about feeding schedule and adaptations. For example, babies with cleft palates or birth defects affecting mouth and throat may need special adaptive bottles or nipples. Failure to thrive babies may need smaller feedings more frequently or need a specially mixed formula.
Provide regular healthy meals and snacks. Set limits for a child if he overeats. Children who have been neglected often have eating problems such as overeating or hiding food. Don’t battle over food. Set simple rules and limits, such as a two-helpings limit or keeping all food in the kitchen area. But make sure a child is getting food regular and in sufficient quantities. Do not use food as a form of punishment, such as sending a child to be without supper.
Provide regular schedules and routines so children learn quickly that there is a rhythm in the house. Repeat expectations often and show children what you want them to do. For older children, posting simple rules can be helpful. Don't have too many rules, however. Keep it simple and focused on safety. Simple rituals and regular family meals, family meetings and bedtime routines are helpful. It doesn't have to be guided by the clock-- but a predictable routine is reassuring to children.
Provide a variety of interesting age appropriate toys or enjoyable activities to encourage thinking, problem solving, and motor skills. Toys don’t have to be expensive! Give bowls and spoons to bang; make simple blocks to stack; provide crayons and coloring books; or, make colorful mobiles of yarn and magazine pictures. Get the child a library card and plan regular visits. Neglected children may have initial trouble knowing how to play, so take time to show how to stack blocks or get a sound out of a toy or play a board game.
Look for areas of deficits. Many children lack basic skills when they come into your home. Caregivers can help build skills and confidence in children by teaching healthy eating habits, teaching children basic hygiene skills such as toileting skills, teaching how to tackle a homework problem, showing an interest in their day-to-day activities at school, and celebrating accomplishments.
Establishing Structure and Routine:
First, what is your family's basic routine? Try writing it out in the box below. This exercise will help you explain your routine to the children who come in your home.
Now, list three of your family's house rules. (Hint: Let your spouse look at them. Does he or she agree?)
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Finally, ask yourself, how will you communicate these rules to your children? Will you explain them when they first come into the house or as you go along? Will you post the most important rules, such as on the fridge? Think about how you are going to teach your basic rules to children who are unfamiliar with your home and may come from homes with very different or absent rules.
